Earth’s oldest mall is under excavation. It’s location is a secret. Yet a rogue archaeologist is documenting her exploration of the ruins for a select YouTube audience. From her artifact-ridden videos we see storefronts that once hawked precious metals, spices, and graphic tees. Carved limestone dragged great distances form a spectacular arcade, in which massage chairs and kiosks occur at regular intervals. One was a Piercing Pagoda, another sold stone tablet covers. Where the food court and main promenade converge is an obelisk which still emits a weird smell. Painted on the megalith with cochineal dye are glyphs that translate to Perfume Area. Research suggests this site is the lost origin of the word perfumeria. Some scholars even believe it to be the true primordial umbilicus mundi. And others insist on the presence of such a monument as proof of extraterrestrial contact.