What is it like to wear Under Armour under armor? Ask Aguirre, wrath of the health goths.

(Deep in the mangrove jungle, a suit of armor reclines against the buttress of an enormous kapok tree. Skunky vapor escapes through the perforated visor, the jointed gauntlets, and at the seams of the cuirass [painstakingly embossed with an alien and the words take me to your dealer]. Even the tapered sabaton toes emit blissed-out, white tendrils. A capybara investigates this curious anachronism. Upon closer inspection, the armor is simply filled with smoke, and nothing more.)